Yesterday was a beautiful, sunny, 70 degree day in Western NY.  One of the best days we’ve had since the start of Spring  to play tennis. All of the courts near my home were full so I went to the south part of town in an area known as Harris Hill looking for availability.

My friend and I were walking toward the playing area and it was like I saw two ghosts. Less than eighty-feet away from me were my 11 and 14 year old daughters – playing tennis with their step-brother.

Without hesitation, my first instinct  was to run up to them and give them the biggest hug ever. My brain literally shut-down for 5 minutes while we stood there in disbelief. He told me don’t do it Mike – don’t do it – it’ll be too traumatic for them.  My heart didn’t care.  I just wanted to wrap my arms around them like I had their entire lives.  It had been 16 months since I’ve been this close to them. Then my brain got on-board and I very hesitantly walked ever so slowly away.

If I had went up to them as I considered for a fleeting moment, I would’ve completely contradicted the entire decision to end the turmoil that they had to deal with most every other weekend for the nearly 9 years since filing for divorce.

I had the best lawyers, documented active parenting, went to all school events, rarely missed or rescheduled weekend visitations, got great advice from my long-time secretary (and friend) who’s a great parent herself, of course always paid my child support, alimony, maintained their health insurance and paid the mortgage on their mother’s home every single month (even to this day and she’s been remarried since February 2015).

If you stacked up my filings for Erie County Family & State Supreme Court it would be nearly two feet stacked high (and that was prior to my filing for parental alienation in 2014-2015).  I had to end the madness because I know this put a lot of stress on my daughters. It was the most difficult decision of my life and will probably be the case until the day I die.

This post is not about a “he said she said” but specifically, I want my – children to know that I think about them nearly every day. I dream about them, see other kids with their parents and have immediate flashbacks of similar experiences we shared, I think about them when I drive up and down Transit Road, I’m reminded by “Facebook” of our memories throughout the years and there’s at least another dozen examples I don’t want to list.  I love them so much.  Not seeing them hurts like a pain that I’ve never experienced. I know I wasn’t perfect but I tried really really hard most of the time.

There are two goals I have for this blog. First, (and I pray so hard that this happens), that my daughters will find this and will read the “Messages from Dad” area where I intend to post messages to them so they know how much I love them, think about them and how proud I am of them.

My neighbor saw me upset in December when court papers were finalized and said, “Mike don’t think of this as a death because once they’re 18 they can reach out to you (or you to them) – death is truly final.”  So in an effort to stay be positive I put this together…

My second goal is to help parents who are divorcing to let them know BEFORE negotiations conclude and BEFORE custody agreements are finalized WHAT TO ASK THEIR LAWYER !  I had no idea what was in store for me and no one had any suggestions. Online research was a joke and unreliable at best.

Thank you for reading and I encourage your comments / questions.

I love you Kayla & Abby <3 <3 <3